Essays, Faith, Mental Health, Personal

Me vs. Me (& My Inner Critic)

Ok friends. I’m about to get real honest and vulnerable with you guys about something I have been working through lately.

We all have that inner critic in our heads right? Well, lately, mine has been giving me a run for my money. Let’s call her …Alice. (I apologize if your name is Alice, I mean no disrespect – I personally don’t know any Alices and so this is just an example).
…Anyways, lately, Alice has been a little mean. I have always struggled with my self-confidence and my ability to have faith in myself. (Thanks Alice). But in the last few months, Alice has been coming in hard. I have been working a new project that I am really excited and terrified to share with all of you! It has been an unspoken dream of mine for nearly 2 years now and its finally coming together! I am so excited to finally be stepping into this new project because I know this is where God has been leading me, and what He had in mind for me all along. This is the yet another step (of many) that will lead me in the right direction to accomplish so many of my goals! Through all of my entrepreneurial side projects — this is the one that God has been waiting for me to finally admit and grab onto.

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Isn’t it so exciting when you are finally in line with where God is leading you — but also kind of like really, really scary!

Cue Alice.

Alice says that I am not good enough. Alice says that there are so many other people in this world that are better qualified and better equipped to do this task. Alice says that I’m going to fail and quit, just like I have with a lot of other things in my life. Alice says that no one is going to care. Alice says that this is all going to be for nothing. Hell, Alice is saying that no one is even reading this blog post about what Alice is saying!!
Alice says that I JUST CAN’T DO IT, and you know what… too often I believe her.

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I was chatting with my friend tonight about the story of Moses and how he pretty much tried to give every excuse in the book about why he wasn’t the person to do what God had called him to do. He told God that He had made a mistake and that He was wrong for choosing Moses. You know, he wasn’t wrong. On paper, Moses did kind of suck. Moses had a lot going against him – including a horrible inner critic (let’s call him Steve and pretend that it is an appropriate historical name for that time haha). On paper, and in Moses’ mind, he was definitely not the right person for the call God was giving to him.

But as my friend and I chatted about this and I continued to fight against the words Alice was throwing around in my head, I realized that, like Moses, it doesn’t matter what the paper (or the critic) says. God didn’t call me to do this alone. He never said to walk this path and meet him on the other side. Like Moses, God promised he would be with me and that I wouldn’t be doing this alone. When you continue to read this part of Moses’ story, you will get to the part where God said, “I am who I am”. God said that He is the one calling me to this new project. He is the one who said that I have a voice and a story that someone needs to hear. God said that He would make a way for this to come together if I would just be obedient, have some faith, and take that step!

So, I’m sorry, but not today Al…. — No, you know what?? Let’s just call Alice for what she really is — Not today Satan!!

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Sadly, I forget where I heard this (so if it was in your book, or on your podcast please set me straight), but I recently heard someone say that when we don’t follow through with the things that God has called us to, we are robbing someone else of part of their own story. WHOA! So, when I choose to listen to Alice and second guess this entire project, I am second guessing the words that God has put in me to share that someone needs to hear. God could use someone else, but it won’t be the same. God could have called Aaron to do the job when Moses first said no, but it wouldn’t have been the same. Sure he may have been able to convince Pharoh to let the Israelites go with his eloquent words, but would he have been able to part the red sea?? Who knows — maybe. But we’ll never know, because God called Moses, and God promised to be with Moses.

I know that I have a calling on my life. && I know that you do too!
It’s time to stop listening to the jerk, inner critic that we all have and start believing in ourselves.

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Like Moses, in these last few months, I have been listening to the wrong voice. Instead of listening to the voice that says I can do these things and that I am not alone in it, I have been listening to the voice that says I can’t and it’s just me, so who cares anyway. I know that God has things that he has for me to accomplish that only I can accomplish in my own way. God has created me just the way that I am and that will be more than enough for some people. For some, it might not be — but then hey, my story and my message aren’t for those people. I’m not Nutella, I can’t make everyone happy.

So, goodnight dear Alice! It’s time for you to take a break now. I have some big plans and I just don’t have the time to deal with you while I’m out here conquering the world.

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3 thoughts on “Me vs. Me (& My Inner Critic)”

  1. Amen! I constantly tell Satan to shut up. So glad to know it isn’t only me. Can’t wait to see where and what God has called you to!!!!

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  2. The enemy loves to throw lies at us. And we need to constantly replace them with TRUTH!! One of my goals the last while is ‘taking every thot captive’. At a recent Women’s Conference Dannah Gresh said ‘Your thoughts are the boss of your feelings ‘! I’m chewin on that one for awhile!! Love you dear ! Good good words!!

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